For a long, long time, I think I have gone quiet. I don’t want to write as I used to, and, surprisingly, that doesn’t bother me either. I remember a time when I was so desperate to pour out my thoughts on paper, but somehow that craze has taken a backseat. Is it a bad thing or a good thing? Well, I do not know. All I can say is that there are phases that mould us all, and I am going through one such phase, I guess.

Probably not only me; in this era of social media, where we are constantly bombarded with information overload in the form of snippets, news bytes, and content in every single form kind of messes with one’s focus. But the same can also serve as motivation to create more as well. However, I have gone back into the chair of an observer, where I am noticing everything from afar, but I am just hesitating to participate in any of it. Is it work pressure? Is it the responsibilities of an elder child? Is it mere procrastination? Is it burnout? Is it the result of many rejections of my writing submissions? Is it a lack of faith in myself that I can write well? I do not know. I do not have the answer. All I can say is that I am in my JOMO era, i.e., the Joy of Missing Out.

I think just like life, passion too is an unpredictable path to pursue. I know for sure that my heart can not go quiet. Eventually it will feel overwhelmed and spill out everything it has to say. And I have read somewhere that you can not just sit and wish for the motivation to work for you. You too have to gather courage and walk towards it. But my question is: despite knowing the answer to what needs to be done, why does it feel so difficult to actually do the ‘right’ thing? Does it happen with everyone, or is it just me failing at something I want to excel at?

All I can confess is that, currently, I do not feel the need to find the answer. I have had panic attacks, but not anymore. I want to take this opportunity to sit back, enjoy my time with a book, and even if I write, I want to write like an amateur who commits mistakes without the fear of being judged. With all these jumbled-up thoughts, I have decided to participate in the Blogchatter Half Marathon. Will this attempt help me rekindle my passion for writing? Only time will say.

So, what do you feel about this? Have you ever had such similar thoughts? If yes, tell me how you came out of it?

Love,

Chinmayee

This post is written for the Blogchatter Half Marathon