Have you ever felt that sinking feeling, when you look back in time and realize some people did not deserve your goodness? But you continued to be good with them. A few memories have been haunting me for a few days. I generally refrain from ranting about anyone who has done me bad in the past. I write about me being hurt or going through a tough time and my feelings but mostly never about the person who did me any wrong. Because I do not enjoy it. Complaining about people. And today is no different, I am not here to complain. I am here to express my grief that is buried deep within my heart. This thought has been nagging me for the past few days and I just want it off my chest.

The memory is so vivid like I can see everything in front of my eyes. I will not go into the details about this person because there was a time when he was really really special to my heart. And I thank him for giving me those beautiful teenage years where you smile for no reason, where you feel butterflies in your stomach, where you daydream and expect life to be fair and beautiful! We kind of grew up together! He used to be my best friend. At least I thought so! He also was my only school crush and there was a time when his presence was enough to light my world!

But there was this one incident that changed my perspective. He fell in love with a new girl! Though hurt initially, I accepted it because I was happy for him. And that new girl was the meanest of all. She was a pro seducer and of course, I was a no match to her being the nerd I am! She kind of limited him and my friend kind of started avoiding me, which I understood and was ok with it. But what was not okay was, she picking up a fight with me in front of everyone and trying to humiliate me for no reason! You know how girls usually have two groups in schools. The ones coming from rich families, showing off their wealth & the ones coming from families that struggled for almost everything & yet tried to do their best.

I belonged to the latter category & was surely poles apart from her. So, that insult was done to me not just by her but she pounced on me along with her friends and the allegations were that I was trying to woo her boyfriend. I came back home, threw my cycle at the verandah, and cried the whole night in silence without telling anything at home. But the next day, I decided to tell everything to my so-called friend of years ( crush whatever) and he just brushed it off like it was nothing. He was of course madly in love with her. I did not expect him to be angry with her. But all I wanted him to acknowledge the wrong doing which he DID NOT. I understood my place and that phase was one of the toughest phases of my life. I also had my tenth final exams approaching. Post this incident, I cut off from all this chaos and buried myself in books. And by God’s grace, my results were so good that it came as a shock to all of them because I had outshined our topper in a few subjects as well! You know what, I learned a lesson but it was very late. Someone can never be your friend or well-wisher if they are friends with people who despise you! Someone who does not oppose the one who maligns your name, especially in your absence, can never, I repeat never, be your friend! And, it is a fact.

Well, after reading all this, you must be having a few questions. What happened to the friendship between me and my crush after the incident with the new girl? How did I cope with the feelings of betrayal and humiliation in the long term? Did I ever confront the new girl or seek closure regarding the incident?

I can only say, some things are better said unsaid!

Love,

Chinmayee