Men do not cry. They just do not! How can they? If you must stay in society, and be a part of it, you must abide by its norms. No one likes to be an outcast! We all love to talk about inclusion and equality … for others. deep down we just want to be part of the majority. Why? Because being different is just so much hassle. And let us admit barring exceptions, we all want it easy. And when these men transform into fathers, they carry this unsaid burden of being the pillar of the family just by default. This is just how it is.

A father might not know many things, but he becomes the hero for his kids. If Moms are about selfless love then fathers are about strength. They are the encyclopedias and we all assume when Papa is there, it will just happen. How, when … we do not know but it will. Though hesitant to share my wound, I still could not contain my feelings and something within just stirred me up hence this blog post!

So, I and my father have a very different kind of equation. Unlike others, being a daughter I am closer to my mother than my father. Eldest among three sisters, along the way I have been often looked up as the eldest son and to be honest the burden of expectations has been very high since the beginning of the time. I do have fond memories of playing with my father as a little kid but it was when my father resembled one of the famous Odia Hero ( Prasanta Nanda) with those curly long hairs that he sported till his shoulders and wore Bell Bottoms! But with time I grew up and my father had his share of difficulties ( about which I might write a novel in the future) in raising us and a lot changed. I became afraid of my father for many reasons. My father had this image of an angry man. And yet he has always been our problem solver when it comes to filling up forms or solving difficult maths equations, he is always there to take us to different exam centers, and he is always there to welcome us from picnics, excursions, or airports! i have seen him yell at us. And yes, like a typical Indian family, I still remember getting beaten up by my father when I was a kid as he wanted to discipline us. But as I grew up, it became difficult for me to have any kind of discussion with my father. My mother became our translator. I would tell Maa and in turn, she would tell Baba about my wishes or wants. But this was till I was away from my home state for higher studies or my corporate career. After I changed career when I had to make a U-turn and came back home, I had many direct encounters with my father. Some pleasant, some very unpleasant! At many times we ended up at being loggerheads. having said all of this, my father has been my biggest supporter in one of my major life decisions that altered my life course in a fraction of a second and I can never be grateful enough for this.

And over the years, I am witnessing a different version of him. He has been mellowing down and when he had his major ailment, I realized that the roles have been completely reversed. My shoulders have never felt heavier. I discovered a human being just like all of us. Behind that strong frame, a person was trying hard to hide his fears and put up a brave face. Trying not to cry even when he was in pain! I can not describe the emotions I felt then, but I can only say that God has been so kind in helping us navigate that difficult phase. He is in good health now.

But yesterday he broke down like a child with tears rolling down his cheeks. And that scene just tore me apart. I had never seen him like this. You must be wondering why? Well, without going into details I can say that like everywhere it is your own blood relatives who pave the paths filled with thorns for you and sometimes it becomes unbearable even for someone like my father who has been ignoring all the unfair treatments in the family towards him. We all can say that this is a common Indian family, but each family has its own unique story and mine is no different. But those tears brought in a lot of anguish within me and the fact that no matter what when it comes to property, it is still the men who are taken into account. My father having three daughters and no son has been looked down upon by my ‘so-called educated’ (extended )family for ages. Yes, there are laws where even daughters are recognized as legal heirs but in reality, it is only the male members who are seen as potential inheritors… always. Some things just do not change. His tears disturbed me so much that I could not sleep at night and searched through my contact list at night to let out a sigh but alas, found none. And realized how lonely each of us becomes when it comes to actual issues in life.

But deep within I know that good people experience life differently. Life is a little harder for them because you have to pay the price of being good. I also believe that there is a higher power who watches us overall and there is no greater Judge than HIM/HER! So, I pray that let there be justice, let there be more peace & happiness for my father ( and my entire family ).

And yes, though I might never say him directly, I love my father.

Love,

Chinmayee