Hola !

So who doesn’t like to stay fit ? We all do right ? But then there are times when things go a little off track and then suddenly you  realise that despite having a complete normal healthy condition, you have complications within. And then you are put under tests rather multiple tests to see if it has been malignant in nature or not and as much as it scares you , you go through all of it.  There is no such pain but then if ignored , it can lead to further complications.  Last few days have been crazy where you have consulted many experts, taken second opinions and to top it all yesterday was one such tiring day  being the last day at work where I was busy wrapping all things up at work  before I  head for a month odd leave starting today.

This April was planned for a lot of writing submissions but I  think fate has a different plan . To be honest , I did not want to write this particular piece  but then I  don’t know when I will be able to write next so here’s a little sneak peak into my thoughts and observations.

You know when hard times hit you . it comes so suddenly that you are caught off guard. But what it reveals with it is many other things that you would have overlooked otherwise.

At work , I have been  close to vert few people who had shared their moments of grief with me , hugged me hard when things went downhill for them and you think they are not just colleagues but your friends too . But when they give you a cold response at your low times, it sucks. And then you realise how little you mattered to them , may be because you did not fit into their ideal set up of a so called normal life. And interestingly again you find some people already pleased to hear the news about you  and you overhear many such gossips about you.  And this reaches a new low when your medical condition becomes a point of silly joke too ! And when you confront, you are branded into someone who is quiet aggressive. And some even seem to have this judgement in their eyes questioning your choice of path in life asking ” see this is why you should bow down norms of the society, have a normal family , own houses etc and just be like them.” These very people will think twice before spending a moment when you need them but have the courage to pass remarks if not infront of you but behind your back for sure. I am not surprised but at some point you just get tired of all this around, of not fitting in, not having the zeal to blend in too.

Coming to friends , I have  lost a lot of them when things in my life took a U turn. Interestingly Some childhood friends connected after collecting my number and of course facts about my life.  Though resistant at the beginning, I  gave in and did have a few chat sessions with them only to realise later that I was being looked down upon for not possessing massive bank balances or not being posted at a foreign land drawing heavy salary. It comes out in a subtle manner and when they pass some brainless remarks on a busy day while you have been dealing with your own shit, it does get to your nerves.

Anyway, being a fit child of the family, it feels a little weird when you are the first in your family to undergo this medical procedure.But then your family makes it feel all normal. A family  that has stood like a rock and has your back no matter what life throws at you. Touchwood 🙏

I am blessed to have few very close friends with who I am myself and you come home to them , you are sure to be accepted as you are and a little moment with them gives you a smile. Because at the end of the day, you thank God and have this gratitude in your heart that you are surrounded by people with beautiful hearts who instantly feel closer when you reach out to them, who promise to keep you in their duas, who allay all your fears and teach you to look forward and see the bigger picture , who teach you to utilise your time and dream big and try to overcome this hurdle with a new vigour, who do not bother to see you through any layered vision but see you just as you are despite difference in age, time or distance. I certainly love them with all my heart.

I say a little prayer to keep me wrapped in the company of such beautiful souls and thank Almighty and pray that He gives me the courage to  make this life filled with purpose and to never lose my inner circle of bonds where I am just me … scarred, flawed and yet completely accepted!

Amen.

Love,

Chinmayee