So it has been quite a long long time since I had penned down my feelings primarily for which I had started this blog post in the first place. A lot keeps happening and to even go with the flow seems overwhelming. Festivities bring the much-needed distraction from the daily grind and hustle. One forgets the worries for the time being but then post-festive tiredness coupled with the pressure of getting back to normalcy hits one like a rock. This year I have been feeling the burnout a lot. I have taken up a new goal and it is quite demanding. Yes, you guessed it right it has to do with a lot of reading. But more than there has been a challenge in managing my own health. I discovered that I put on weight quite suddenly when I had almost stopped eating junk food. After diagnosis, it was found that my hormones had gone for a toss along with some internal complications. All this while I had been hating myself for putting on the additional weight which I had reduced with regular exercise for the last two months. I had to accept that I needed to be kind to myself.

The phase of diagnosis was especially difficult because I went alone to the hospital for this. I did not want my parents to go through the hassle when their own health has been a matter of concern. The process of adulting demands you to be ready for a new challenge at any moment. Visiting the hospital and going through every phase of tests was new for me! Some of the tests were so painful that I held on very tightly to the hand of the nurse standing near my bed. Sometimes complete strangers help you in ways that you can never explain. And I am truly grateful for such gestures that happen from time to time. But these are also the moments that make me feel empty from within. I scroll down my contact list and find that there is not a single soul apart from my blood relations with whom I can connect at that very moment. Anyway, the tests were over and at the end of the day, I realized that I had spent the whole day at the hospital!

However, I sighed with relief that it was over and the next consultation day was scheduled just before Diwali. The next day, I went on with my daily chores with an anticipation that the doctor would prescribe some medications and it would all be like a normal check-up. But things were different when I visited the doctor after a fortnight. I was advised to undergo a minor surgery post three months during which I will be under observation. I knew this is a minor surgery but it did jolt me a little because I had never undergone any such procedure earlier, like ever! I came home and with a smile on my face, I told my loved ones to not worry at all. On the day of festivity, I decked myself up, put on my new dress and this time I put roses in my hair, probably a wish that I had for a very long time! This wish may have been generated from some romantic Bollywood scenes where the hero puts flowers on the hairdo of the lead actress! Well, I have no clue but I promised to fulfill this wish of mine.

Having said all this, I have a little anxiety as I wait for my minor surgery which is scheduled approximately three months from now. I do pat my back that this time both my siblings have been away from home during festivities and it was only me at home with my parents and me being me, I think I have handled my emotions of being strong in front of my parents. With all these things happening I can reassure you that childhood was the best phase of life! But life always moves forward. So, the best one can do is go with the flow but with a lot of courage!

So, the concluding thought that I have is when you see someone smile a lot more, know that they are trying really hard to mask a lot of pain. And a message to myself is that I have to be more accepting of myself while working towards bettering myself both physically and mentally. And last but not least, may Almighty support me and my family in every hassle that we go through!

Love,

Chinmayee