As I sit overlooking the carton boxes which currently have been tightly holding my belongings from clothes to utensils to anything that is required to make a living, a lot of random thoughts cloud my mind. The same items that were part of my daily life look like strangers to me and I do not understand how to form a bond with them, well I mean again!
Yes, you guessed it right, I have recently shifted and trying to settle in. As we all know changing a base from one place to another is not easy. You struggle to make a new place your own and throw out any feeling of alienation that you go through while undergoing the process. Sometimes, it can be very challenging, and sometimes it can feel very adventurous too.
And somehow I feel women do it better than men. Probably it is the conditioning in our culture where it is always said that women are ” Paraya Dhan” meaning someone else’s treasure, that makes even the women understand early that she always has to be ready to adapt to new settings. This term “Paraya Dhan” had a very positive connotation in the past which meant that women after marriage, make homes out of lifeless houses and hence are always treasured! And to do so she sacrifices her own memories in her own house while leaving it behind with tearful eyes. But this twisted society makes everything successfully twisted. This too got a different meaning with time where women mostly are looked upon as a commodity to amass “Dhan” meaning treasure ( thanks to dowry ) and can be treated as “Paraya” ( a stranger) in her new home!
Anyway, this debate can go on for a long time. Coming back to my own hassle of moving places, it has never been much of a problem emotionally. Maybe because I have stayed away from home for studies, have been shifting places since this has my early years of work has been a regular affair. But after a certain point or after certain life-changing events, I have realized that my attachment with my own material possessions has been on a decline. I have been able to detach myself from the intense desire of owning things that were once a craze in me. The brands, the particular type, the exact color, the required shade of frame, etc. were once very important to me. Not any more! I do not know if it is good or bad. But certainly, I have noticed this change in me over the years.
Having said that with every beginning there is also a phase that ends. And these ends have varied hues. Some endings can be sad, well most are, some can be beautiful, a few can be confusing, and a lot can be undefinable. But whatever may be the case, these ends do leave an imprint in our minds for sure. As I am struggling with putting my current house (not home)together, I can think of a video that I saw recently about the farmer’s protest that lasted more than a year in the heart of the city in India. I won’t go into details about it because my blog is not about bringing in the political scenario of the country. So I will focus on the emotional aspect of it. This particular video showed a woman crying and saying that she was going to miss the site of protest! How can someone miss a site of protest? Well, why not? As human beings, I think we are wired to belong, to love, and have an inclination towards anything that gives us warmth. Though this site was not always peaceful, it certainly had become like a home to the agitators for more than a year. Of course, there were emotions attached and people formed not only bonds but built lifelong memories. I have always noticed that we become closer in times of distress than that happens in times of happiness. The traces of fakeness is mostly minimal when we share our pain points. The same happened at the site of agitation as well. A common cause, a common agenda united all, and even under difficult situations they somehow owned the place in their mind. And the place referred to here is nothing but mere roads! Another testimony to the fact that to feel at home, we don’t need luxurious houses, we need the feeling of belonging to it with our hearts.
Yes, life has been a little chaotic where sometimes I feel like a ping pong ball bouncing from one place to another ( from one city to another), handling responsibilities, trying to do my best, and yes, sometimes I am just exhausted that I can not deliver my best. I feel agitated, defeated, and irritated as well. But that’s all a part of the process I guess. My family has been a great support as always.
I am currently experiencing a moment just like we feel while we turn a page while reading our favorite book. The page that binds us emotionally and when we turn that page there is a strange feeling of leaving it behind and the anxiety of starting a new page. We go through a fraction of moment feels like, will this page be able to continue to be as exciting as the previous page, will it be worth the effort & time! I am going through similar emotions. And I know the anxiety will stay for a while, the nights will feel a little longer when I finally shift to this place and I might have to keep renaming my loneliness as solitude. Certainly, my creativity will help me in this endeavor, I suppose.
I guess, even Year Ends feel the same. The year even with its ups and downs feels like our home and when we bid farewell to it, it feels emotional but we quickly allure ourselves in the festivities that can subside our anxiety about the new beginning and we pray in our hearts that everything is going to be better than the last year. Well, personally I will take a lesson from this phase of the pandemic as a teacher which taught me that sustaining something is more important and helps in outshining at the end. Even the farmer’s struggle helped me understand that sustaining a just cause with all our heart can lead to results that we desire. So even in transition, we need to have the mindset to carry forward our endeavor. To sustain an effort to do better, to sustain bonds that matter, to sustain being our own selves should be our prime focus.
Maybe life is also about being in transition where we ironically build permanent memories. Maybe some people will treat us their own houses and take us for granted, maybe we will find people who feel like home caressing us with love & care. Sometimes, it may be we who just decide to quit a place that may unsettle our peace. Maybe life will punish us and make us homeless by snatching away people who matter the most and maybe it will gift us with ones that bestow us with the ones resembling the coziness of a home. So, here is wishing with my closed eyes that the upcoming new year treats us best and gifts us the best moments that we not only treasure but use those moments & experiences to better our lives in a wholesome manner.
Have you ever gone through such phases? Do share your experience with me!