“Tall, dark, and handsome! That is what I want! “, He had overheard many girls say this. Well, he never fit into any such roles. He would often be the one who got neglected while his friends had been approached by girls or got accepted on their proposals. He would often look into the mirror and think to himself, ” Why do I have to be this short and this average in my looks? Neither do I have the muscles nor the face to woo anyone.”
Raghav had been feeling rejected by himself since the time he had entered his teenage years. While his friends outgrew him suddenly in height, he seemed to be stuck at a particular height! Teenage years can be difficult for anyone but Raghav found himself at the bottom of the pyramid when it came to accepting the changes that he was undergoing both physically and mentally. He had started remaining aloof and slowly had shown signs of being cocooned in his own self. He talked less, smiled less, and existed a little less. When asked, he would simply avoid talking about it. This had gradually affected his studies and more so on his self-esteem! Because of his reserved character, he had fewer friends now, and slowly he started losing himself.
His yearning to be accepted by others had become so intense that he had started hating every single thing about him. His complaints had become bigger and his indulgence in activities of life much lesser. He had turned argumentative and a little hyper-sensitive over a short span of time.
“Raghav, what is the matter with you nowadays? I get so many call from your teachers complaining that you either do not pay attention or just misbehave! I do not want such complaints coming in regularly. If you do not amend yourself I will put you in boarding and then you will have to handle all the strict discipline routine there.”
Raghav kept his head down without any answer.
His mother looked at his father to take it a little slow but that did not have any effect on him.
“Raghav, answer me? Are you going to change or not?” He asked in a loud commanding voice.
Raghav looked up with blood-red eyes and looked straight into his father’s eyes.
“Yes, even I want to change myself. Only if it was that easy!! Only if you were not my father! Only if Maa was not my mother! Only if I was never born….” he said everything in one breath and barged into his room and banged the door of his room.
His parents were taken aback by his behavior because Raghav had never dared to speak against his father, ever.
He did not open his door even after continuous efforts and when the lock was banged open, Raghav lay there unconscious with his wrists cut with a blade. There was blood oozing out from his veins and a young boy had failed himself.
Raghav was lucky to have survived when rushed to the nearby hospital unlike many who go through such internal conflicts. His family took him to psychiatrists who after many sessions of counseling could understand that Raghav had started hating his own self which had all begun from a sense of yearning to be loved and accepted by others.
After multiple visits to orphanages and centers for specially-abled children, did Raghav realize his mistake of wanting to be loved by others and forgetting to accept himself first, own himself completely with all his own scars and flaws.
Dr. Raghav Mehra was scanning through his old childhood Photo album with various thoughts that kept coming to him as each picture had a story to tell. Each story that had been converted from the yearning to be loved by others to be loved by self.
This yearning of being accepted by others is sometimes the cause of sorrow for many. No matter what… You, matter.
I have decided to take up an emotional joy ride with this year’s A2Z challenge where my focus is to showcase different aspects of human behavior . I will be penning down pieces of fiction centered around emotions in alphabetical manner. I have a title for my theme and it is : A little bit of you; A little bit of me .
I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z -2021
You can click on the alphabets below to read the stories that have been published so far.