I feel a little lost today. The day was okay but then the events of the day were so grim that I just want to put across my thoughts. And I just want to pick up the phone and speak to someone and rant it out. But its not even that easy. The situation is tense already and people already have their own shit to handle. So, even though I really want to speak to few, I will refrain as I do not want to pile up things for anyone. I myself feel suffocated. When nothing works, I come to you. Yes to my blog, my space where I can type out my frustrations, my anger and may be my fears so that I can feel normal again. It might not make sense but, anything that helps calm you is okay I guess.

The current scene of Pandemic, the numerous scream of people calling out for help to get a bed, air to breathe on the tweets had kind of made me feel sick in my stomach. There are people in my WhatsApp groups who drop in to say either they or their family members have been affected and I wish them speedy recovery. The frequency is so much that even my smartphone enabled keyboard suggests these words for convenience. I am sure same must be the case with my readers as well. How ironic, we are technologically advanced that our phones predict what we want to type and people behave otherwise !

I do not know , if I have ever witnessed such collective grief ! The words that they type might be silent but one can hear it scream if you can feel what might be one going through when they struggle for bare necessities to sustain one’s life. Words generally give me solace, but the same words also affect me. I want to not get affected by all this and may be hear some voice that can give solace today and may be wander to a world that is free of all this pain.

I generally refrain writing on political discussions or debates, but the mockery that national political scenario is now, it is really difficult to ignore. People had voted a party with huge faith in the past and how nicely their trust is being utilized. When people are dying in huge numbers, it is complete strangers coming along to help by whatever small gesture that they can indulge in. It is heartening to see that the people sitting at the helm of affairs do have the brains to talk to doctors over a video conference but I really want to question where was this sense when large political rallies were conducted? Where was this precautionary measure when large religious congregations were allowed? People can debate that it is people who had to obey rules and blaming the government does not help. But why do they forget that if governance was so easy, why would people choose representatives on a periodic manner and make them ‘govern’, no sorry rule on them?

Again there was a leak of a video conference, which seemed nothing less than an act! Two things came to my mind. It is so alike to human behavior. One , just like the ruling party, in a relationship, one tends to betray another when the other has given complete trust on the other . They backstab you when you tend to think that your vulnerability is safe with them. Probably because stability becomes boring after sometime. They take you for granted because you seem to be predictable. But does it mean the other party is a fool? No, just like the voters they know when they are being cheated upon. But sometimes only at the right time , can one exercise ones will.

The second point that came to my mind was when I saw the leaked video clipping. It had parallels with human nature too. It was a mere act to draw attention. There are two basic ways to draw attention; to scream out and make your presence felt or to remain absent and make people wonder about your absence. Today’s scene was about letting people know that yes, I am your leader, I am here but I am helpless ! I am not saying whether it is right or wrong , all I am saying is the similarity that it has with human behavior. However, a relationship that thrives on attention is hollow just like the faith of people on their political masters in the present times.

Even though I say I want to talk it out about all these feelings, writing is what I can currently do and without complaining I would just pray that this calamity to get over as soon as possible, a more responsible and sensible government in place to arise and presence of people who don’t break trust in one’s life !

Meanwhile, I just want to put my foot in a flowing river, soak in the simplicity of nature and get lost in my fantasy world and may be that will make my heart smile a bit!

Amen to all these wishes!

Love,

Chinmayee