Hello friends,

So today is yet another day when, despite being sleepy and tired , I have to write my thoughts out so that atleast I can retire for the day. I had my exams today and it went kind of okay . I had to walk a few steps towards the parking area from the examination hall and just then across the street , I saw a funeral procession . As is a belief and common practice I folded my hands and paid my respect to the departed soul. Without any logical explanation ,my mind wandered towards the obvious question that haunts us and we always tactfully avoid it . Yes, it was about death and about perishing from this body , forever as we all do …oneday or the other. So, what happens back on earth when someone dies ?We don’t know what happens after death and that perticular mystery is something that did not bother me today as it does sometimes.

Today my mind was curious about the space that you leave void after you are gone . That space that you leave vacant is remembered by your loved ones with grief, with longing and with despair. But even then there is categorisation to it. And let me put across that it is about the natural death that I am talking about and not same untimely demise through accidents. My point is how are you remembered after you are dead. Unless it is an untimely death, by the time you depart this world, your parents who love you the most (normally) are long gone! So , the next person who might mourn you the most might be your spouse ( if alive ) or your children or grandchildren as the case may be. You live in their hearts and memories. Siblings if you ask me can also grieve but at that point they might have their own families and a different life path might have brought in a little factor of distance,it may sound weird, but it certainly happens. This is what we tend to believe, well there can be exceptions to the above speculations and I refrain from any debates because this discussion is very open ended and each individual can have their own narratives. I am putting forth my own points as of now.

Now when we digress from the common path, we either become unique or odd one out ! There are certain lives that despite their wish to have a normal life , somehow walk on this less – traversed path which does not fall under any known parameters. It does not have any precedents and hence one can not infer the future course of action at any given point in time. They simply take on what they consider best for them and certainly always have to answer many questions that this society keeps throwing at them.And when they do not answer, they become subjects of gossips, objects to be stared at with raised eyebrows and become subjected to prejudices. So, what happens to such cases when they cease to exist? Do they get the same kind of mourning or grief as the normal ones ? Many single lives sometimes face a lonely death and there is nothing more scarier than this in my opinion. But if they do not truly belong to anyone, because they might have failed to create a family of their own, do they completely lose their existence unlike the ones who are blessed to lead a normal life? I guess the question is little disturbing and may seem odd to many ! But deep within we all want to belong to someone, to also own someone in our hearts, isn’t it? The prime reason is probably when we die, atleast we want to continue surviving in those moments that a beloved will keep searching when he/she opens the file of memories of the deceased. We want to be missed in those lonely tears and those escaped sighs of our loved ones!

Sometimes, even this can be a distant dream, specifically in today’s commitment phobic world where money,fame, career, status all have taken a precedence over love, faith, trust and finding those little moments of ordinary happiness. Every one wants to be extra ordinary without understanding that when you actually live an ordinary life passionately,truly and with a purpose ( however simple it may be) you automatically become extra ordinary. Well your professional life , if you have created an impact may commemorate your achievements but will never grieve your absence. That is the reason,I believe people take so much interest in creation. And by this when you create a piece of art, you leave a piece of your self in it . The creation can range from creating a painting to creating an orphanage or from writing a book to directing a movie ! That creation is your stamp which bears your identity, your thoughts and your way of looking at life ! It carries your fingerprints for eternity to come. And the true fans ,readers or connoisseurs often miss the artist with all their hearts and that space created is never forgotten or lost , even after the artist dies!

Personally , I do not know what kind of death awaits me as future is known to none. Whether it will be in the arms of my loved ones, a sudden end or a lonely death ( of which I am scared the most ), no one knows . Because life has taught me that it is not fair and your expectations can crumble at any moment. Specially in case of women , who live a life upholding relationships and intricately weaving the fabric of togetherness in a family; it becomes all the more difficult! Only a woman probably can understand what I am trying to convey at this point. Anyway, to conclude my thoughts I only wish that despite what the future holds, l intend to be remembered through my creations ! If my any form of creation, be it writing, painting or my renditions in my voice has touched someone’s heart and they remember me , I shall think that I did not die a lonely death whenever it happens. I aspire and pray to have the will power and the intellectual ability to create with passion and enthusiasm for a long long time.

Love ,

Chinmayee.