My inclination towards spirituality is probably because I have seen my mother have an unflinching faith in the Higher Power since childhood. She has been a staunch devotee, and when she worships, I can sense as if she transcends to a different realm altogether. I feel blessed to be born as her daughter.

Born in the land of Lord Jagannath, Odisha, where Lord Vishnu loves to eat, i.e., at Puri ( Shankha Kshetra ), and is one of the Chaar Dhams of the Country, I have seen devotion to Lord Jagannatha deeply imbibed in the daily routine of many people around me. However, the offering to Hari (Lord Vishnu) is incomplete without a reference to Hara (Lord Shiva) as per popular belief here. Bhubaneswar (the temple city), also known as Ekamra Kshetra, has many temples that house hundreds of historic sandstone temples showcasing Kalinga architecture, including the 11th-century Lingaraj Temple. The area, dating from the 3rd century BC to the 15th century AD, surrounds the  Bindusagar Temple and focuses on Lord Shiva. What I am trying to say here is that the worship of Hara & Hari is very crucial and is quite integral in every household, a place where I grew up. Hence, the faith in the Higher Self is just unwavering.

Lord Shiva, the Adi Purush, has always had a deep impact on me since my childhood. The mystical Yogi, the Adi Purush, the perfect lover, the devoted husband, the epitome of masculine force, has probably always protected me even when things have not gone as per my plans. Maybe with age, with life- altering experiences, your understanding deepens, and when surface-level events do not please you, your quest to understand the very meaning of life becomes heightened. There have been many dark moments where I have felt helpless, lost & absolutely lonely …moments where your heart pounds so hard that it may explode any moment, in those moments, somehow knowingly or unknowingly, I have found myself chanting HIS name. And maybe He blesses me then and holds my hand. Being a mere mortal, will I ever know the perfect answer? Maybe yes, maybe no. But the faith that HE exists and will always be there gives me hope to have a positive outlook towards life despite setbacks, despite the crushing of my dreams, and despite tears rolling down my cheeks. Like many women, one surely feels and wants to become Shakti, provided they find their Shiv, a love that transcends generations, lifetimes, that is so pure that the whole world celebrates the sacred union of both masculinity & femininity. Lord Shiva is multidimensional & there is no particular realm that one can associate Shiva with. I have a genuine fondness for this mystical Jatadhari with a crescent moon on his Jata, who is so strong & yet melts in the presence of his better half. The Nataraja, the symbol of Ardhanariswara, gives us the message that both man and woman are complementary to each other. The infamous ego tussle that we see in this pseudo-modern world is nothing but unnecessary only & only if each gender truly understands, respects & believes in the potential of the other.

Fasting on any other day feels challenging, but on Shivratri, I look forward to it. And surprisingly, I do not feel the pain of hunger pangs. On this auspicious day of Mahashivratri, let us remind ourselves that it is a night to look within & arouse the self -consciousness of the self. I seek blessings tonight & pray that HE guides me, protects me & helps me in this chaotic journey called life, where I have had to take many tough decisions which have been different from the societal norms. And yes, those decisions have also had repercussions, which my family and I had to face head-on. However, I bow my head in reverence to Parvati Pati- Lord Shiva, to bless me & my near & dear ones with purpose, intellect, health, prosperity & divine protection against things that I do not know or understand.

Love,

Chinmayee