How often do you answer; I am fine!; while wanting to say otherwise? Well, many times right? We all do. But does that mean we are fine then? No, many times we aren’t. And yet we hesitate to admit it in front of even our loved ones. Why? I might not have the right answer because it might vary from person to person. But for me, sometimes I understand that me being fine or not does not really matter to the person asking me this question. And during such encounters, I find it very hard to open up. Do we not have this god-gifted quality of knowing when one is lying and is being fake, rather than when one is trying to be authentic? Yes, this instinct does fail us many times and that is how we get backstabbed in life. But, usually, we do develop a feeling.

And, when I was in the hospital bed for about a week after my surgery, I realized who truly cared for me. I did not receive a single call from the ones I had thought, I would! When I returned home, I asked myself, did you truly not know the truth? I knew it. And yet I expected like we all do. This world is so freaking connected and it takes a fraction of a second to hit that send button or dial that number & yet, loneliness is on the rise. The era where one had to be connected with loved ones through letters was probably the best. You know what, when you have multiple options, you do not appreciate the value of anything. Everyone becomes everything. Yes, it is an easy objectification that this world is thriving on.

I am not a person who just opens up with anyone. When you meet me, you will obviously meet my exterior self who is an extrovert. But, I guard myself within layers. And the inner me is actually an introvert, who takes a long time to trust and share what I truly feel. Like all of us, I have been betrayed too in the past ( I am sure, a lot of you can relate to this ), and that has left an indelible mark on my heart. And this surgery just kind of opened my eyes too. I mean, gone are the days when people really loved or cared about anyone. Today, you are just a number, a thing, an acquaintance who is easy to wipe out! I feel that is the reason why being true to your own self matters the most. This can be a very lonely affair and can be stressful too. But it is always better to have a few authentic people around you rather than have a group of fake ones.

And being a woman, I know how hard it is being a woman is who is ever understood or for that matter loved in a true sense. I notice many women, showcasing their happy faces on social media in fact struggle with severe depression and anxiety behind the screen. Why? Because if you notice in many Indian households, a girl or a woman is seldom given any importance of being understood or loved. More often than not, she is taken for granted, expected to do her homely duties, have zero complaints, excel at studies, be no-nonsense at her job and if she is a wife, do her wifely duties in addition to taking care of every family member along with managing the entire household. It is common because that is how women are conditioned to be in India. And I am talking about the majority here not just those few outrageous ones that you see on your feeds or TLs while brainlessly scrolling your phone.

Ok, coming back to me, some days I am really affected by all this because let me admit, I feel deeply. And on most days, I feel neutral because I am learning with each passing day. And I understand what or how I feel is my own responsibility. And people who adore you for who you are at the core will take care of you without even you asking for it. Because they care, they truly do. And trust me these people make you feel calm rather than make you feel anxious.

So, if you are blessed with a family that values you as a person and few authentic friends who, no matter what stick with you because you are you, then just thank Almighty because what you have is definitely rare!

And next time you hear that superficial question ” How are you?”, remember to answer:” I am fine!”, with a big smile!

Love,

Chinmayee