Most of all desire to live extra ordinary lives. To be successful, to accomplish it all, to make an impact , to thrive and motivate people and the list is endless. But there are many who just want to live peacefully, to just be able to survive. Not because they lack ambition or talent to excel but may be they have faced struggles at an early stage of life that they need peace more than anything. For them it is not about wining or losing , it is about being able to walk the path of life with dignity and be able to fulfill their responsibilities.
I write this post with a very heavy heart. One of my very close friends recently lost her husband to the deadly Covid. It was tragic because it happened so fast that my friend could not understand how her life changed in a fraction of second. They were getting ready for the discharge procedures, when this sudden turn of events took place. And that changed it all. She has a son who just turned one year old. Before he could understand anything, he lost the warmth of a father’s love forever. I came to know that he can not express much but cries a lot when he misses his Papa. My heart bleeds to even hear all this. I do not know how I will face my friend when I meet her face to face. A big hug probably, because sometimes you fall short of words and then the only way to show solidarity is a big, tight embrace to make the other person a part of you and let them believe that there is a strong connection irrespective of anything that happens in life.
Women in general have a tough life to live. We can talk about equality , liberation , empowerment and all but the fact remains the same. Barring exceptions, women have to adapt better and make compromises and do their duty no matter what. But , when such tragic event happens, the closer circle sometimes makes it difficult to live life. The parents certainly lose their son , but a wife has lost her husband forever. And there are some who accuse you for the death of another! I mean I do not know how to process this illogical thought process. These accusations hurt more than anything. I can hardly forget the trauma, when someone tells you, ” it is because of you, that xyz died!”. This is not only harsh but inhumane in the first place. How can someone be inauspicious is beyond my understanding till date.
Why does a woman have to be a mother/ sister to gain respect? Often you come across statements like , ” don’t you have your mother / sister at home, how can you say so?” That means an orphan or someone who has lost his mother and has no sister can treat women disrespectfully! No, right? A woman is an individual just like her male counterpart and has all the right to live her life with dignity. Another important aspect is the sacrifice element attached to the women. It is commonly believed if a woman is sacrificing and compromising , she has good character . Come across an aggressive and ferocious one , who has always been ambitious, then the first question that would come to the mind of others is probably she was not the ideal type to have a proper married life! How insane is that . No one is perfect and to have a married life demands involvement of both the partners , with almost equal sharing of the burden and the responsibilities. Well, when one loses one’s partner, imagine the steep hurdle that stands like a mountain in their life path ! Unbelievable. Yet many raise capable children , fulfill all their responsibilities and may live a silent life but the glory in it is something that only a heart that knows how to see beneath the layers can understand. It is not easy, it never is
So, as a society , can we be more empathetic towards each other because we never know what a smile can hide? Can we not shame women for the mishaps that jolt their own life? Can we understand that even some traditions are regressive and needs to be modified with time?
I have a special place in my heart for men who are emotionally mature enough to express themselves. Because only if when they can acknowledge their own feelings can they understand the emotions of another one . I think, we need to accept and appreciate men who feel and express their emotions. It is time, we tell them that it is okay to cry and not put up that fake strong face in front of the society just because of one’s gender.
And for women, it is high time that we stop bulling each other. Even in families , one can see the degree of friction that women have with each other! And it is not only irritating but quite depressing that we have still not evolved with time!
So, irrespective of what life throws at someone , the major task that lies ahead is to get back and keep going. But this will not happen if the surrounding is not supportive enough. Starting from the close knit family to the society that we live in must make it easier for an individual to live life! For , we do not know the same calamity can strike our own lives and disrupt notions we will never be the next victim. Let us make our own life and others a little easier by accepting, acknowledging and most importantly not judging anyone for their deviated life paths.
I pray to the Almighty to give all the strength to my friend and all who have to bear such challenges in life. May their struggles make them stronger and may they set examples for changing norms to a more inclusive society ! Amen.