It is one of those days !

I remember Earnest Hemingway today who had remarked that writers “ought to write hard and clear about what hurts.” They say it helps one sort out their thoughts , to become more composed and align the mind better. Yes it helps, and it is absolutely right. When you bare your soul on paper, it is certainly relieving and gives you a sense of calmness. This happens only when you can write properly what hurts you.

But there are certain days when you do not find the right words to express. You feel this uneasy feeling within, despite everything being normal around you and you do not exactly know what it is ! It is one of those days for me today. There is a feeling of emptiness within and I do not know the reason behind it. It feels hollow and as if something is slipping away from my hands as I witness it and know it, yet I can do nothing but be a mute spectator.

May be to become better writers, we all unknowingly become observers who notice small details and sometimes overthink . As every coin has two sides, this behavior also has its plus and minus points. We sometimes feel things that are difficult to express . I do not know about others, but sometimes I feel a block to find the right words to put across my thoughts. People say they find solace in words. But wouldn’t it be correct to say that words are are nothing but a medium of representing thoughts. So basically we find solace when we come across a thought, an idea in the form of words, that we can resonate with. So, you get lucky when you find such a thought and on some days you just do not find it!

As they say, somedays you chase motivation and on some days the motivation finds you . There are also some days when there is no meeting between you and your muse or motivation. Those days are hard and many unwanted , uninvited fears, inhibitions pay you a visit. Is it always easy to say what you feel? The unsaid conversations can be very heavy and heart breaking. Even in an intimate relationship, it is not always easy to say some feelings even though there is no sense of insecurity. There is this feeling of empty bottle with a closed lid which makes you feel restless . The mind and heart never quite agree but on such days, both heart & mind feel abandoned, vacant & useless if one can say so. Normally , the tendency is to avoid accepting such feelings which even I do most of the times. It is easy to suggest someone going through this to divert his/her attention, go for a walk, involve in some activity but some days doing that also does not help. Many big shots might just remark, “Put on the brave smile and conquer the day! “. “No sir, it does not always work that way!”, would be my humble answer. Some days, you need to feel the very emptiness within you, surrender to it and may be it will pass through! And do not even ask me how it feels as it passes through ! Sometimes, that is the only way out, I guess!

My point is writing sometimes, can be very very tough and when they say just put out your feelings on the paper to feel sorted, I am sure they do not highlight the immense struggle that one goes through to visit those dark patches hidden within, to accept the feeling of helplessness yet pretend that everything is fine and write! We have to go with the flow and we all will eventually. So, if you have people who not only understand but try to decipher your silences , the unsent texts, the undelivered drafts in the email box, the unsaid conversations, then you are truly wealthy in a lot of ways. But this seems like an expectation that is over the top, isn’t it ? Because even when you clearly put across your points , there is a fair chance to be misunderstood! So, writing is the only way to survive sometimes.

Writing can be introspective, reflective or in the form of fiction to put across feelings , emotions, ideas etc. However, it needs the right words to do so. And sometimes, the words themselves choose silence and it becomes really tough to express. I am sure we all go through such unsorted days! But hope as they say makes all the difference. Tomorrow will be another day and may be me and my words will stop playing the hide and seek game.

Have you ever struggled with writing what you desire? If so, how do you tackle your emptiness ?

This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon.’ 

Love,

Chinmayee