I wanted to be with her, desperately. How I wish to belong to her ! However somethings have to change over time . I have also eventually made up my mind ,I guess. She does not serve my purpose anymore. It will be a long separation I guess so. I looked hard, towards her. She too stared back at me. The prepossessing sight of her made my pulsating heart beat faster.

How … How on earth will I ever stay away from her? I contemplated. But as they say, some love stories are just not meant to be. I looked deep into my inner self. A part of me had already belonged to her. The bond was so strong that even if we part ways, a part of me will be incomplete.

She had so much to say, I guess. silence is what she could convey. An eternal silence filled with memories of our blissful togetherness; moments filled with passion, moments that always had an indelible mark on my senses, those moments that housed in the microseconds of unparalleled ecstasy that bore the testimony of us belonging to each other. Those moments were always my weakness, even now signaling me to belong to her without any other cloud of dubious doubts. I closed my eyes and I could visualize everything.

She had come early in my life. Little did I know that the sudden encounter, that I had never expected will bear such consequences. She had become my addiction and I had completely surrendered myself to her. Her luscious texture, her voluptuous curvature made me want her, devote myself to this divine beauty. And we had been together ever since that day. Our secrets were for the Gods to witness, when despite every warning to stay away from each other, we had become one. She too ached for my touch, I guess and I was a loyal and an ardent fan of her magic.

The world has always been ruthless and will keep on judging true love. The reasons for such judgmental and preconceived notion is beyond my imagination. The envious eyes & the ominous predicaments make one ponder on the strength that the relationship holds. Even the most committed ones falter at one point.

With a myriad set of emotions, I switched on the TV. It was time for my forced indulgence. Swanky and slender like figurines teaching me how to have a better lifestyle. The music was like icing on the cake. Lifestyle is a recent word and that has become the buzzword , rapidly. With my perfect attire, I too joined them. I stretched my arm, bent down and put my legs in the air. It was as if the plastic smiles on the pretty faces mocking me for not able to match up the pace. ‘Run your race at your own pace‘. I have heard it somewhere and I totally resonate with it. Even if it feels insulting at times, I have promised to indulge in self-care and more importantly self-love, now that I had to leave behind the love of my life. Hence I kept doing my moves.

I continued to chase those crazy steps, even though each part of my body cursed me within. I wondered how could they bend with so much flexibility and yet show those set of white teeth as if they did not feel anything? It sometimes is a mystery and its really hard to even believe if we belonged to the same planet! How can we be so different? The only purpose that they are alive today is probably to make society just like them! What would happen to variety then? I reflected upon the subject.

However, all I could think was about my love, her shiny frame of the body, and her pure intentions unlike these creatures on the TV who promise to transform me. She loved me for who I am, an unconditional love that just accepts without the slightest hint of any discomfort between us. Yet, the irony of the fact is we have to part ways. My heart felt heavy just like my body, thinking about our state of separation.

Yes, come on… one two, one two…. one-two… one more time… one-two.. She continued to smile like winning an oscar. If only I could stop myself from hating this woman, I would feel much happier and probably enjoy her one two one two …

I paused the TV screen for a while for her venomous personality was a little overwhelming to handle. I checked my Twitter feed for it’s very important to stay updated. Random people giving Gyan about how to live life, how to smile every day, how to eradicate each problem that comes up in life; well saying is always tax free and hence everyone had so much to say. I scrolled on some trending news , some entertainment gossips, and then my favorite, some images. In the world of words, I somehow find solace in the images because they are at least not unidirectional in their approach, they take the audience along with them and the inference can vary from person to person. I love staring at those beautiful pictures that have so much to convey. I kept finding for more… and what did I see, I saw her… posing with all her charm and elegance… my fingers froze and I could not gaze away. How pretty did she look ! One look at her and I could commit any sin in this world! I realized how deep is our soulful connection, in this superficial world. I had to do something… wait what was it? My mind had frozen. I threw the remote control with all my force, for little did I care if it broke or was intact.

I went inside and looked at her again. She had all the right to be angry with me. How could I live her alone for such a long time? I held my ears with both my hands and grabbed her and then there was unison, me with my favorite Gulab Jamun.

I closed my eyes feeling the godliness of the moment that I just experienced. How could I ever live with the guilt of being disloyal to the love of my life? We are meant to be together… forever.

Are you guilty of your love affairs, your indulgences?

     I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z -2021

F- Fire that silently burns

Love,

Chinmayee